05Nov
Posts, Webcasts, Cable
We posted Deirdre's story, in her own words, over the weekend. She talks about growing up in an Irish Catholic family with a long history of alcoholism — not that anybody talked about it. Her father and his brother used to torment their father, a subway motorman, when he went through the DTs, thinking that it was funny that he saw spiders and things.
Later, a 19-year-old Deirdre attempted suicide by overdosing on some pills. When she awoke in the emergency room, her mother's first words were, "How could you do this to us?" But her parents refused to believe that it was a suicide attempt — a greater sin in the Catholic hierarchy of moral transgressions than drug abuse — and her underlying depression went untreated for many years thereafter. For the whole story, see http://www.elephantonmain.com/chapters/backstories/deirdresstory/indeirdreswords.html.
Deirdre is on her way to St. Petersburg, Florida, this morning to participate in the taping of a webcast and satellite broadcast a panel discussion of co-occurring disorders — addiction and mental illness. “Drug Use & Mental Health,” a production of CADCA (Community Anti-Drug Coalitions of America) will be available for viewing on Dec. 8.
Last night we got a call from the producer at Donny Deutsch's "The Big Idea" who had originally talked to us about appearing on the show in October. Robert Shapiro and family were flying in for a taping at 2:15 this afternoon and she wanted to know if we could join them. Deirdre will be on an airplane and Duncan will be in school, so that left Carrick and me.
Carrick said no. She reluctantly agreed to appear on "The Big Idea" the first time around, but after being preempted for the "breaking news" of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee, she decided that no good could come out of appearing with Mr. Deutsch. I relayed that to the producer, who informed me that the breaking news had to do with "Aruba," and that even through we were scheduled to tape on that Monday, the Anderson/Lee show had long been scheduled to run on that date.
It's too bad that poor communication resulted in a blown opportunity for everyone involved to spread the message that recovery does happen, as fragile as it may be. But I understand Carrick's reluctance. It's hard to determine just how sincere Mr. Deutsch is, or if it's all about ratings.
Telling our story to a new audience would have been a powerful complement to the Shapiros, whose son overdosed on ecstasy in October. Brent Shapiro had been clean for 18 months, according to reports, before he had a few drinks and half a tab of ecstasy at an Eighties-themed party. I wrote the Shapiros after his appearance on Larry King last month: "As I have written to too many parents who have emailed us since the show aired, we know that it is just luck that the outcome for us was different from the tragic outcome that they have had to endure."
The Shapiros have set up the Brent Shapiro Foundation for Drug Awareness, 10250 Constellation Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA 90067. I can't find a website. Their appearance on "The Big Idea" will be aired on CNBC Wednesday, Dec. 1 at 10 p.m and Thursday morning 1 a.m. EST, I'm told.
Grin & Beer It
I have to smile about the news that the Beer Institute is establishing a new five-member panel to hear consumer complaints about beer advertising.
Things must really be at a low if the industry trade group is in the "we-better-regulate-ourselves-before-someone-else-does" mode. I have little hope that the panel will result in meaningful change, however, because the vast majority of beer advertising is clearly appealing to underage drinkers. And no matter what the beermakers say about "21 means 21," underage and abusive drinkers are not only their present but also their future.
For the Hopeless
Just a quick note for anyone who is feeling hopeless about a loved one's addiction tonight, as well as for those who are having a hard time with enabling.
Two years ago last night, we got a phone call from her that was typical of the feeling of rapid-fire elation and despair that we often went through when Carrick was using. She had walked out of New Hope Manor, the long-term rehab we hoped she would return to, a few days before.
Deirdre answered.
“Give me New Hope's phone number,” was Carrick's hello.
I was holding on another line on a call to Telecharge, buying tickets to the play “Addicted,” which we intended to see for our 26th anniversary on the 11th. (Talk about being consumed by the disease
“Carrick wants the number at New Hope.”
She was obviously excited. So was I. We figured that our tough love resolve to not let her back into the house was successful, and she was resigned to returning to New Hope. I put Carrick on the speakerphone, and read her the number.
“Why can't you just put some clothes outside the door.”
“No,” Deirdre said.
“You can have your clothes after you're back at New Hope,” I said.
“What do I have to do, come with the police? They're my clothes,” Carrick said.
“That would be a good idea,” I said (thinking that I'd love to get the police involved).
She didn't hear me, or pretended not to.
“What?”
It really dawned on me at this point that she had no intention of calling New Hope to return; she just wanted to get the stuff she'd left there when they sent her to a detox.
“We'll send you the clothes when you're back at New Hope," I said. "End of conversation.”
Carrick found another route to recovery — methadone — three months later.
It's election day. She has been working since 5:30 a.m. as one of the Democratic inspectors at a polling place across town. If you'd told me two years ago that Carrick would be working as election inspector today, I would have hugged you for the kind thought and told you that you were mad.